Cause the players gonna play, play, play

What a fucking wild 36 hours I’ve had, to say that I am tired is the biggest understatement of this decade. I’ve worked three shifts now and I’ve slept about 6 hours total, but I’m so happy so it’s alright. This place is cool, and the girls say hi to me now when they pass me in the hallways..but it’s much slower here than I would like. I’ve had three parties so far since I’ve started, which means that for the whole 40 hours I’ve worked I’ve only actually worked maybe 3 of those. That’s rough. It’s hard not to feel like you’re wasting your time here…but it’s totally worth it for the experience.

Last night I got picked out of the first lineup of the evening, it was the cutest war veteran…he was so nervous he couldn’t say anything without stammering a bit. There’s something about seeing how nervous a guy is to be there that just makes me feel so much affection for them. To know that they’re that nervous and yet they still came in, and followed through, and are making it happen for themselves, that’s something to admire and be proud of…ya know? So anyways, we ended up agreeing on a price for a 15 minute party with oral only. I know I don’t have to tell you guys, but I rocked his world 🙂 After he left I went to the next line up and it was a couple (we get so many of them!!!) at first the couple said they just wanted to hang at the bar, but after a bunch of shots they decided they wanted to party with me. It ended up being a pretty fun time!! I went down on her, fucked her with my toys, and then she laid on top of me while her husband fucked her so we could make out. And there was lots of eye contact. It was a pretty delightful time until the end when she started telling me that I shouldn’t be doing this for a living because I deserve more and have “too much potential”. I know she thought she was coming from a nice place, but I was so offended. Like bitch, you don’t get to hire me and then judge me after I just made you and your husband cum. You can fuck right off with that bullshit. There’s something discouraging when you hang out with someone who is progressive and open minded but still struggle to see sex work as something pure and empowering. I see it on Fetlife all the time. It just reinforces why a place like this is so important, there’s a whole community of people who genuinely get it. Who understand what’s in my heart and what this business can do for you: financially, mentally, and emotionally. But, that’s a journal entry for when I’m well rested and able to form coherent thoughts eloquently.

Moving on, the thing that sucked about last night is that both of those parties were done by like 7, and then I got nothing else…so the next eleven hours was just me hanging out. Finally 6 am came around and I passed out, got about 2 hours of sleep before my wake up call for a 9 am party. It was a pre booked party from a guy that saw me on The Bunny Ranch message boards. And let me just tell you, I was not my best haha that poor soul. I looked rouuuuugh. Thankfully he wasn’t looking for anything too crazy, we did a 90 minute party and I rode him just about the entire time…so I got a good quad workout in, which is good because I’ve had no time to work out haha so there were winners all around. The only thing that kind of bummed me out is that he didn’t cum, he said he can’t cum around other girls…he has to wait until he gets home to masturbate. Which I totally understand but ughhh I’m feeling incredibly cum deprived these days. Quite devastating if you ask me.

Today was nice but I got even less action. I slept for about three hours after my morning party and then had to get ready for my shift tonight. Also, today the ranch did some live streaming which I guess they do every Saturday, so we all sit down in front of a camera and kind of interview each other. Madam Suzette picks one of the veteran girls to be the interviewer and the rest of the bunnies take turns getting interviews. It’s just a cool way for guys who are wanting to know more about the different bunnies to get to know us a little better. It was fun listening to the other girls answer questions and chat, but when it came to my turn she didn’t ask me near as many questions. I felt like I hardly got a chance to say anything of substance or showcase my personality really…I still haven’t decided how much to read into that or not. Honestly, I don’t really have the emotional energy to give it much of my attention. After that the Bunny Bar and Lounge got pretty busy which was fun, but unfortunately none of the men were interested in anything more than having some drinks and looking at the girls. I did have one little party but it was like 5 minutes, he was a sweetheart from Canada who just wanted to see my body naked. What a fucking missed opportunity, am I right?

The rest of this evening kind of drug on, butttt it was karaoke tonight and that was a blast. I even ended up singing!!! I did The Pretty Girl Rock and then King Kunta by Kendrik Lamar…I butchered both of them pretty spectacularly, but was proud that I did it anyways. I also lost 9 games of Uno, won 2, and ate way too many Cheerios. Watching my diet has proven to be incredibly difficult to do here, because there’s nothing else to do but eat. I would rather be stuffing my face with dick, but alas, goldfish has taken it’s place. Now it’s 5:15 am and I have 45 minutes left until blissful sleep. I. Cannot. Wait. My hope is that I’ll be able to sleep straight until noon and then maybe I can finally work out before my shift tomorrow night. Also, tomorrow Dennis Hof comes back…so I’ll finally get to meet him. Here’s to hoping that he likes me, and that I can bite my tongue about the fact that he’s a pimp who is running for office representing a party that thrives on oppressing and controlling women and their bodies. Unfuckingbelievable if you ask me.

That’s all I’ve got for you babies tonight. I’m not writing these near as nicely and thoughtfully as I want to be, but I just can’t find the time or energy right now. Once my sleep schedule adjusts I promise to do better. I love you all, gallons and gallons. I really hope that I get a big party tomorrow…something of substance. Cross your fingers for me!

xx

Harper

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Everybody here was someone else before, and you can want who you want…

ooof, you guys…changing my sleep schedule is proving to be the most difficult challenge I’m having to deal with being here. Last night I worked my first shift (!!!!) and didn’t get off until 4am, and then I slept 3 hours and now I’m wide fucking awake. Which would be fine except I have to work 4pm – 6am tonight, and I have a 9am session tomorrow morning, so the next 24 hours are going to be rough…here’s to hoping I fall asleep in the next 2 hours and get a nap in. Buttt, before I do that I wanted to let you guys know how my day was yesterday, as I’m sure you’re all just sitting at the edge of your seats waiting.

Because I had to wait for my test results to come in and for the doctor to clear me for working I got to spend the majority of my day doing whatever I’d like…I woke up early and did some yoga, went for a run, made a really good breakfast. I took a little nap, watched a movie, and then laid out by the pool for a little reading, it was blissful honestly. I met another bunny while hanging by the pool and she gave me a lot of advice about working here and what it’s like. I thought she seemed pretty cool, but I’ve come to find out that some of the things she told me are bullshit and not true at all. It’s weird being here and not knowing who to trust and who genuinely wants to help you succeed, and who is just trying to steer you in a different direction from them. I would say the thing girls lie about most here are prices, I can’t get a straight answer from anyone regarding what I should charge. Mostly, it seems that the other girls want me to charge high amounts because if I’m hosting parties (that’s what they call your date with the johns) for $500 but they’re demanding 1500-2000 for a party with them, then most likely I (the cheaper offer) will win out. The politics are are very interesting and a little intimidating, and I would say I’m not all that good at knowing when I’m being bullshitted so I’m definitely wary.

I also got to go down to the Sheriff’s office to register and get my whore license, and I have to say, it was nothing like I was imagining. I wanted to walk through a legitimate police station and be able to feel all the cops watching me and judging me, but in reality I sat in a waiting room with some other hookers and two receptionist ladies took care of everything. We never went into the station and we never saw a single cop 😦 But I made friends with some of the other girls who are working at the other houses down here (there’s like 5 brothels in the vicinity of a mile). I wish they were here at TBR because they were so upbeat and friendly and outgoing, I just know working with them would be a fucking party. It’s so cool seeing how different we all are, but then we have this one huge thing in common. And it was really nice to be able to talk with girls who understood what I was going through, they too were all struggling to make friends with the other girls in their houses. Although I must confess, I’m doing really good now! So fingers crossed I get to go out with those girls for brunch sometime before I leave, we’re all in a group text chat titled ‘Whore’s R Us’….snaps to follow if it works out! The planning has been a little tricky because surprisingly, the brothels do not encourage the girls from different houses to hang out or meet up, like I couldn’t invite them over here to hang out when I’m off shift, we would have to pay the driver to come pick us all up and take us somewhere. And even then, it would be a little frowned upon that we’re all fraternizing…but we all agreed to let them frown because having girls here who genuinely want to be your friend and are kind is proving to be a bit of a rarity.

So, I’m officially registered to prostitute at any brothel in the state of Nevada, legally. Which is still fucking wild and splendid to me haha I hope when I leave I get to take my brothel card with me because I want to frame it and hang it on my wall. I would say about 80% of my time here I’m uncomfortable in some way emotionally, but every 10 minutes or so I’m also overwhelmed with gratitude that I’m here. This is just such a cool fucking experience, you have no idea. Well, I’m trying to give you an idea but I definitely feel like I’m coming up short. As I said, last night was my first shift on the floor. I got assigned a big bunny and she kind of showed me the ropes of what to do when a guy picks you as well as go over all of the house rules. I would say I’ve probably broken every rule since being here; I had food in my room, I had my own personal alcohol in my room, I had candles lit in my room, I walked around the house without shoes on…but thankfully it seems that they’re not all that strict in enforcing the rules around here. The binder that has all their policies and rules and such in it is called ‘The Bunny Bible’ which I thought was the cutest fucking thing ever. I got a mini orientation from Jenny, who is honestly such a peach. I get the sense that our politics/views on life are verrry different, but there’s not really much space for that in this house so it hasn’t come up too much. She’s basically every southern gentleman and rednecks walking dream, and she can put away more shots than anybody I’ve ever seen, I’ve become a fast fan. But this is what I learned during orientation, and what you can expect should you ever come through the doors of The Bunny Ranch…

Once the guy rings the door bell, he’s welcomed in by a greeter who then rings a buzzer that goes throughout the whole house. If you hear that buzzer and are on shift, you must come to the lobby for what they call the ‘line up’ (there’s a line on the floor and everything). You’re welcome to come out even if you’re off shift if you feel like working, as long as you’re not worn out or too tired to then work your scheduled shift. So all the bunnies line up in front of the guy, and we’re not allowed to talk to him or each other while we wait for everyone to get there…even if he asks us a question. We are just supposed to stand there, make eye contact and smile. Guys, its so fucking terrifying to be standing there haha the anticipation is almost suffocating. Every time I heard the buzzer go off my heart jumped into my throat and my legs started shaking. It’s a little bit awkward because the guy is already nervous and then there’s just like 14/15 beautiful women wearing next to nothing staring at him with these cheesy smiles on their faces, but somehow it works. So once the bunnies have all arrived the greeter gives a little speech and then we all go down the line and introduce ourselves, “Hi, I’m Harper” and that’s all you get…just that one sentence to try and intrigue him enough so that he will pick you. I’ve never practiced the cadence of 3 words so much in my life. You can’t do anything physically or verbally different that may make you stand out from the rest of the bunnies, you can’t have any of your body parts showing, just very basic and minimal. That’s considered playing dirty. The guy is then instructed to walk up to any girl he pleases, and the party starts from there! Last night I was in four lineups, but haven’t been picked yet which I was totally okay with because I’m still getting a feel for everything. However, there’s definitely something a little bit mentally taxing about standing there and watching guy after guy not pick you, it didn’t like shake me to the core or anything but there’s just this quick feeling of ‘why not me?’ and then it’s gone. After the girl is picked she then gives the guy a mini tour of the ranch or asks if he wants to hang out at the bunny bar and have a drink first, kind of whichever he prefers. We have two different window boxes in the bar that are filled with every pink sex toy you could ever imagine and the guys is welcome (more like encouraged) to buy any that he may want for the party. But we’re all required to have toys of our own anyways, so that part is just an add on. After small talk and getting to know each other, the bunny will invite the guy back to her room for the negotiations…we’re only allowed to negotiate in our bedrooms with the door cracked, nowhere else. And so you either come to an agreement and go from there, or if the bunny and the guy can’t agree on a price for what he’s looking for she’ll bring him back out to the lounge so he can mingle with other bunnies and try to find one who is willing to work in his budget. The big cardinal rule is to not talk with/smile at/make eye contact with any guy who is in the house with another girl…you must act like they’re both completely invisible to you otherwise it could be seen as trying to poach her man. I struggled with that so hard, it’s such a habit to just smile and look at people you’re walking by, but I’m learning quickly that that will put me on a very bad list.

Overall, it all seems pretty straight forward and easy. Last night was fairly slow so we played a few games of Uno and then watched a romcom all cuddling in front of the fireplace in the lounge. I feel like the other bunnies are starting to really like me, which definitely helps with keeping a positive headspace. Once I’m successfully on the appropriate sleeping schedule here I think it’s going to be pure paradise 🙂 I’m excited to see what tonight holds, I’m told Friday and Saturday nights are the busiest….I hope I get picked for a party this evening, cross your fingers!

I’m going to try and take a nap before I have to go get ready, more to come later!

xx

Harper

Happy, free, confused, and lonely at the same time

AHHHHH!!!! Day 1 is just about done, and I made it!! I must confess, it’s been a rollercoaster of a day. I can’t quite put my finger on it but there’s something about being here that makes me giddy, it just feels like I was meant to be here. From the pink lightbulbs in the hallway to the velvet, high back couches in the lounge to the framed pictures of naked women doing dirty things hanging throughout the house, this place was built to celebrate women like me. Even though it’s just been a day, my heart feels at home.

Today is Wednesday which means that we all had to go see the doctor and get tested for STD’s. So, when the doctor arrived we all went into a room to wait to be seen, and you guys…I didn’t say a single thing, to anybody. Even this girl I met last night who was so beyond nice to me, I made zero effort to start a conversation with her at all. I was so overwhelmed, it was a bit of a mess. Social anxiety is reeeaaal, ya know?? All the girls are so completely different, but I could see a bit of myself in each of them. We all had fake nails, eyelash extensions, most of us had fake tits, there were hair extensions and Louis Vuitton purses and the smell of fake tans was a bit overwhelming. And I would say about 75% of us are white girls with blonde hair and light eyes. I guess it should have made me feel more comfortable, being around other girls who were like me, but there was something unsettling about having it all on display like that in front of me. Like I wasn’t original or special at all. BUT I have to give props to my babes on Snapchat, I’ve never felt so championed and supported as I did this afternoon opening the snaps from all of you…I don’t know what I did to deserve the love that you guys give me, but I’m not lying when I say it’s a major reason why I am who I am today. Soooo, after I opened a bunch of snaps reminding me of how awesome I am, I decided to stop hiding in my bedroom and start over. I ran to Walmart to get some comfort items (like a new pillow because the ones they have are literal shit) and some healthy food because I’ve been eating like crap these past 24 hours, and I think getting out of the house and doing something so normal and mundane really helped me hit the reset button because I ended up having a really good evening. I’m pretty thankful that TBR has on site drivers (24/7) to take the girls wherever we need to go, and so far the 2 drivers I have met have been out of this world nice. I chatted about politics with my driver today, I think his name is Steve, he’s a Rachel Maddow fan too! And I found out that Dennis Hof, the pimpdaddy extraordinaire himself, is running for office down here….as a fucking Republican, go figure right? WTH. But anyways I’m getting off topic, I spent this evening hanging out in the Bunny Lounge which is basically the big bar area you walk into after the lobby. It’s got a pretty swanky feel, I love how comforting it is. There’s definitely a cool vibe throughout this whole house, and the vibe is sex. There are these big velvet red couches, a fire place, and mirrored walls. There’s a bar with a pink neon sign over it that says ‘Bunny Bar’ and of course some stripper poles. And they have TV’s playing mini videos of each of the girls dancing or writhing around in tiny clothes…I wonder if I’ll get to make a video or if my stay is going to be too short. I liked watching the videos though because each girls was different and it really showcased their unique personalities, I thought it was a darling personal touch. So, the plan was that I was just going to sit in the corner next to the fire and do some emails/read while I observed everything going on, because I didn’t want to do too much socializing or mingling and have the other girls thinking I was trying to take their men, but a few girls sat down next to me and we started chatting about Marvel movies and how dreamy Ryan Reynolds is…because obvi. And so my plans were pleasantly ruined. Two of them were bunnies like me, one was the bartender, one was a cashier (who they call Hooker Booker’s here..I fucking love it) and the other girl (who I’m def crushing on) was the girl that greets the guys as they walk in. We ended up playing this dice game, that was so complicated and long but I totally won so it was worth it haha it was nice to get to be a part of something going on here, but even more than that it was cool to get to know some of the other people working here. There’s a few girls who are definitely like me, where sex work is a source of empowerment and excitement in their lives but some of them are miserable here. You can see it in how they act and how they talk, one of the girls I hung out with tonight (our vibes def clashed) has been trying to get out of the game for a while, but the money is too good for her to really leave. So far my favorite bunny is the girl from last night, her name is Bobbi and she’s just so bubbly and pleasant to be around. She lives here full time, putting herself through graduate school and you can tell she loves what she does. Genuinely. Tonight we got a chance to talk a bit at the bar (I apologized for not talking to her this morning in the waiting room), and she bought me a drink while she waited for a client of hers to show up. I can just tell that our hearts and minds are in the same place, so I’m excited to get to know her more and spend more time with her….who knows, maybe one day I can bring her over to the East Coast for a party 😉

Tomorrow I have to go to the local Sheriff’s office to register and get my prostitution license, how crazy right?! I’m actually kind of really excited about that part, I’m trying to decide what I’m going to wear, I want it to scream badass hahaha I just love the idea of getting to walk into a police station and tell them that I’m a whore and watch them have to validate it…on paper. Legally. For real fucking life. So, be sure that there will be snaps of that sometime in the afternoon. Annnnd theeeeen, if everything goes well and both the doctor and the Sheriff clear me, I finally get to start working. I was told that my schedule is going to be Monday – Thurs 4pm to 4am and then Friday – Sunday 4pm – 6 am…so that’s going to be a bit of a tough adjustment, but I’m glad that I get to work the late night shift because arguably that’s when it’s busiest here. Although, I have to say, it doesn’t seem like there’s any rhyme or reason to the flow of customers coming in. And from what the girls say you can never plan, because it’s so inconsistent and constantly changing. But when it’s slow everyone working plays a card game or watches a movie and that sounds equally as fun, so I’m really excited!

Okay, well I’m exhausted so that’s all I can get out right now…it was definitely more logistical than me delving into my feelings but I really want you guys to get a sense of what the days are like here, you already know the mess that is my heart 🙂 I’m really glad to have you all in my life, when I felt the most alone today it was you guys that reminded me that I wasn’t. My love for you is unending.

xx

Harper

 

Baby, let the games begin

If I could pick one word to describe the feeling that’s settled in and made itself home in my heart these days, I would have to choose thankful.  It’s a weird feeling walking into an experience that you know is going to change your life forever. I feel like there’s this big bundle of energy inside of my stomach that’s radiating shocks of anxiety throughout my entire body, like at any moment little lightning bolts are going to shoot from my fingertips. This time tomorrow I’ll be an official escort at the world famous Moonlite Bunny Ranch. There’s no way to know what this place is going to hold for me, or what it’s going to do for me, but I know that I won’t be the same girl when I leave as I am arriving, and that’s a thrilling yet terrifying thing to experience. So, I’m trying to just take a moment and sit with this feeling, with the bundle of energy, and simply observe it. With curiosity, with a little apprehension, and with a whole lot of gratitude. I’m beyond thankful that I’m being pushed out of my comfort zone enough to experience this, to experience the petrifying excitement that’s cursing through my veins. It’s such a rush, honestly. I tend to do this every few years or so, I shake up my life in some extraordinary way and come out on the other side completely changed…and I have to say, so far it’s worked out really well for me. So here’s hoping. I hope that it’s everything I’m wishing it to be, I hope I’m everything they’re wishing me to be. Being an escort isn’t something that I ever planned, I don’t think many girls grow up dreaming of becoming a hooker, and yet I’m so thankful that I decided to go down this road. Escorting has given me such a power, it’s taught me that I have worth and that nobody gets to decide that worth except for me. It’s given me the opportunity to heal people, to give them the things that are missing most from their life. Shit, it’s given me the opportunity to find the things that were missing most from my life. Rumor has it that I’m going to have to negotiate my prices face to face with the potential clients that come into the Ranch, and I have to be honest I’m pretty fucking terrified for that part. But it’s the part I’m most excited about too because what a fucking cool skill to learn?! Women are very hardly ever taught how to speak up for themselves, how to hold their ground, how to voice their boundaries or  limits or desires (or worth for that matter). And yet men are naturally raised to effortlessly demand the things they want and expect without hesitation, so more than anything I want to learn that confidence. To risk sounding a bit like a horrible person, I’m excited to learn what effortless entitlement feels like kinda. To looks someone in the eye and let them know that if they want certain things from me than I’m entitled to certain specific things back. And that those ‘certain things’ is my body being exchanged for money…well to me it makes it that much cooler.

So, I just read back over this and realize I voice like 18 different emotions that I’m going through right now, which I’m sure is a bit confusing, but all I can say about that is imagine how it feels for me…I feel a bit overwhelmed by it all. Growing up I was pretty much the least desired person in any room I walked into, I was invisible at school and completely unwanted at home. I didn’t become familiar with the feeling of being desired until just a few years ago, and now I’ve made an entire career based around that feeling…I guess you could say I got addicted. And while most of the time I feel more and more like the sexual badass I portray myself to be, sometimes I still feel like that little girl. It’s the whole reason Harper was created in the first place, when I’m Harper there’s no question about how desirable I am or what I have to offer people, Harper’s confidence is unshakable. She’s an escape inside of myself. And living inside of that character for two weeks is going to be such an emotional and mentally rewarding exercise. Hopefully anyways. Because there’s no room for that little girl who is full of doubt and insecurity when you’re standing half naked demanding hundreds of dollars for your time. And so I hope, if nothing else, that this stint at The Bunny Ranch will help make Harper even more of a reality and less of an escape in my life. Also, I really hope I get to do at least one group session while I’m out here because I’m genuinely a whore and seven cocks are so much more fun than one. If I got to see Vegas that would be cool too. And I wouldn’t be mad if I made at least one bunny friend (please cross all of your fingers that the girls are nice).

So, in five hours I’ll be arriving at the front door of the Ranch, knees shaking and heart pounding…open and excited for everything it has to teach me. It makes me feel less alone knowing that I get to write what’s going on for you guys, so I really appreciate you being here for me and for being so encouraging of this new journey. One day I may be able to finally find the words to explain what having you all following and supporting me means, but for now my mind is in other places. I love you all. Sleep tight and stay tuned.

xx

Harper